#just like he did in murder on the orient express

[poirott]

Poirot does TikTok

A Haunting in Venice clip shows Poirot growing vegetables in his garden and enjoying a box of praline chocolates on a rooftop overlooking Venice. :)

Source: Official A Haunting in Venice TikTok, September 2 2023

[bird-inacage]

The Heart Killers: Character Interviews (Kant/Bison Focus)

So this proved to be super interesting. Let us see what can be gleaned from these brief little interview segments with Kant and Bison.

Immediately, I'm struck by how serious and stoic Kant comes across. He has a very mature aura, and is quite hard to read (which I guess is a plus considering what he gets up to). I didn't expect this, based on how flirty and forward he appeared to be in the trailer, and that makes me wonder if it's all part of a persona he's playing. Or whether the real Kant is in fact more measured and introspective, and Bison just brings out his playful side?

A notable trait that gets signposted repeatedly is Kant's care for his brother Babe. I believe Khao has made a similar comment about him being family-oriented. It makes a tonne of sense to me as to why Bison would be drawn to a 'family man'; someone who has strong family values, when Bison's essentially been rejected by his own.

"My goal in life is to make sure my brother grows up into a good man. I want to make sure he doesn't feel like he's lacking anything. We're all we've got right now." "I just live day by day, just keeping with my goal which is making sure my brother grows up well." This is so telling of Kant's mentality. Not only does it suggest that Kant is a stand-in parent of sorts, but that he doesn't live for himself. (Which could be something of a parallel to Bison - who is unable to live by his own rules). His goals centre entirely on his loved ones' needs being met and supporting them. This definitely gives provider with self-sacrificing tendencies.

"I feel like my goal is just to make sure my loved ones get to live their dreams. For now, I just want my brother to have a good life. But one day, if someone comes into my life and I love them, my goal would be to make sure they get to achieve their dreams." And yet another selfless, touching sentiment. The desire to aid your loved ones to actualise their dreams, possibly before or over your own. I expect Kant will be a very doting, nurturing soul. (Lucky Bison).

I wonder if Kant and Fadel will empathise with one another over their respective little brothers, and the sense of responsibility that comes with it. Bonding opportunity perhaps?

The most mysterious thing Kant says is "One more thing I'm not a big fan of is the beach." (The reason is personal). Curious. First has specifically talked about filming on the beach, where they were able to do a lot more improv. Any speculations on the above are wide open.

Now let's move onto our resident Murder Kitten. I've always said that Bison reads as a real sweetie-pie based on everything we've seen thus far. He's very animated and expressive. Khao very deliberately uses a softer, lighter vocal register as Bison, which just accentuates this cute, darling image. A real child at heart who wants to make up for a life he didn't get to lead. "I go out, I'm just trying to live outside the burger shop." His childhood dream about seeing the northern lights is just another example of a boy who has daydreamed of escape, and welcomes any excuse to be as far away from his actual life as possible. He also mentions being fond of a stray cat who resides near their burger bar, who he enjoys feeding and playing with. This precious boy, I cant. (Note: I need to have scenes of this in the show PURR-LEASE).

Everything about Bison as a person feels at odds with his violent lifestyle, which seems to be a central conflict in Bison's character arc. It does beg the question of what if Bison had never been adopted, what kind of life would he be living instead? And I think this drives Kant's desire to fight for Bison's chance at a new start. A boy with big dreams meets a man who wants to realise them. What a match.

Another comment we've heard before in the pilot is "I also don't like liars", no doubt foreshadowing the fallout when he finds out Kant did exactly that. I do think it's likely that whatever drives Kant to take the detective job has reasons to do with his own brother. He may wish to clear his record of anything untoward for his brother's sake. Based on this premise, when Bison does find out why Kant did what he did, I think that will help soothe any hard feelings.

On a side note - I've seen a comment mention that Kant apparently calls Bison 'kitten' in the novel. ERM HULLO?!! I will allow one spoiler, and that is whether this is true or not. And if so, I DEMAND that it is a featured pet name in the show, because why on earth would you miss an opportunity like that?!

You can keep tabs on bird-inacage’s BL meta directory for other long-form posts around The Heart Killers, which I'll be updating as the show airs.

[potato-lord-but-not]

OKAY OKAY BUT YOUR THEORIES SIR????

Personal opinion, the Frier guy did it(the said monk/priest guy) that man is too suspicious for his own good

I’m also placing my bets on him, unless we get all orient express up in here which I think would beee sillayy. unlikely but like yknow. Or it was the Lord and he’s just trying to turn everyone against each other. EITHER WAY I’m so loving this I’m itching for more Arthur may be coughing up the rest of his lifespan but he WILL solve this murder cus it’s his job goddamnit

EDIT: I COMPLETELY FORGOT YORICK IS THERE GUYS CONSULT THE MAGICAL SKULL PLEASE

[deadbaguette]

Your art is beautiful omg I love your designs so much,,, I love the tenderness in their expressions,,, you are answering lots of requests, maybe do something self indulgent for yourself! Or characters that have zero interactions together but that under different circumstances would get along, or a personal headcanon! Have fun and follow your heart

Waittt this is so sweet of you🥺❤️ Thank you so much, this absolutely made my day <3 Sorry for the wait with answering it! In all honesty it was nice to open my ask box and read this whenever I didn’t know what to do ^^ It’s very kind of you to to consider that I’ve been answering a lot of asks but rest assured I don’t have a problem with reqs! 🙏 I enjoy drawing it just simply helps when people suggest ideas lol :D But truly this what’s been so kind of you, but enough of my yapping dhdgdh

Characters that have never interacted that I think would get along under different circumstances, ohhh you have quite literally spoken straight to my soul! That’s my specialty LMAO😂 Bringing out my found family oriented odypendio AU for this one, have some Telemachus and Diomedes

I’ll have a few ramblings below the cut, but thank you for the ask!

Diomedes came to Ithaca a little late, I imagine Telemachus was around early teens

Athena keeps in touch with Diomedes, but has forbidden him from getting involved with the politics of Ithaca. She says it’s not his fate to get involved

Diomedes acts as some sort of(???) stand in king with Penelope, but it’s not official. They both see officialising it as admitting that Odysseus is dead, and neither of them want that

While Diomedes can’t interfere directly with the suitors, he has gotten into some arguments with them mostly about Telemachus. Athena pulls what she did on Achilles and stops him from murdering the suitors, but he then goes later to tend to the bruises and cuts that Telemachus got from a fight. That’s what this scene is!

Telemachus likes Diomedes, and while thinking of him as his dad is a stretch, he’s definitely some sort of father figure. This is much to Diomedes’ dismay (he doesn’t know how to be a dad, ik he gets kids in the original when he goes to Italy, but with how absent his own dad was he’s not sure how to help Telemachus with his own problem)

“I’m not his dad” he says, while carrying a sleeping 13 yr old Telemachus on his back so he can tuck him into bed. Like Penelope is side eyeing him (not in a bad way lmao).

[unboundprompts]

Can I get prompts for two rivals/frenemies who start to bond over Horror films and Mystery/Detective books?

Thank you!

Prompts for Rivals Bonding over Horror Movies and Mystery Books

-> cw for spoiling the ending of some popular movies and books.

-> feel free to edit and adjust pronouns as you see fit.

-----------

Character A glanced up as B sat down across from them. They rustled through their bag and finally settled as they opened a book. "What are you reading?" A asked, returning to the paper they were working on.

"Murders in the Rue Morgue," B responded.

"Oh."

It was silent for a few minutes as A continued to type on their laptop. Finally, without looking up from their work, A casually said, "A monkey did it."

B paused in their reading to look up at them. After a beat, they chuckled. "Very funny, A. No way would I believe that."

A showed no sign of even hearing their comment, still typing away. A few more minutes passed before B slammed their book down on the table. Character A looked up at them with a smirk.

B glowered at them. "You motherfucker."

----------

"You haven't seen the Conjuring movies?"

"No, they don't seem that interesting."

"Okay, buddy. Come over to my house tonight at six, and you can tell me if they 'don't seem interesting to you' after we watch all three."

----------

Character A reached over to see what book B was reading. And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie.

"Good choice," A said nonchalantly, pulling out a book of their own.

B seemed taken aback, but quickly recovered. "Thanks," they said. "It's pretty good so far."

"Any ideas on who the killer is?"

B shrugged, flipping back a couple of pages. "Vera maybe? She seems too innocent to actually be innocent."

"No," A responded. "It's the retired judge. You don't expect it to be him because he faked his death."

"I'm going to kill you." B seethed. "What are you reading?"

A snickered. "Murder on the Orient Express, which I know you haven't read."

B pulled out their phone. "No, I haven't, but I just looked it up. 'Ratchett's true identity is revealed: he was John Cassetti, Daisy's kidnapper and murderer.'"

Character A snapped their book closed. "I hate you."

"We're even now. Don't let it happen again."

---------

Character A leapt out of the way as B came running past them. "Where are you going?" They yelled after them.

B slowed, but only for a brief moment. They continued to walk in the direction they were heading as they yelled back to A. "Character C just texted that they were going to watch Human Centipede! I've got to stop them before it changes them forever!"

A's heart ran cold. "Oh God," they whispered before sprinting after Character B.

----------

Character B stared at the book that A had just shoved into their hands. They raised a brow at them. "What's this?"

"Arthur Conan Doyle," A responded matter of factly. "Thought you'd like it."

"Oddly touching. You better not spoil this one."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

----------

A torn piece of paper fell out of the book Character B was reading. It was scribbled in Character A's unmistakable handwriting.

'Jack Stapleton killed him so he would inherit the estate.'

[captain-mj]

Graves obsessed with Price killing Shepherd VS. Price obsessed with Graves in that suit FIGHT

No but seriously, I'm loving this, thank you for always being the fucking boss when it comes to PriceGraves

I like to think when Graves does find out Price has been jerkin it to him in the suit, he gets offended because that's not even his best suit! So he just casually puts on his best one and takes some definitely not work appropriate photos in it and leaves them on Price's desk as a thank you for killing Shepherd :3

I'm combining like... so many people's asks into this because I got a ton of asks along this idea! I hope everyone likes it <3

Graves knew that Price had killed Shepherd. It didn't take a genius to figure it out. Nor did it come as a shock that he found it attractive. Murder was always a good turn on for him.

No, the true surprise of the night was that Price found him attractive in a suit. And that none of his friends (coworkers? Family?? Graves was unsure) were unhappy about this.

Right now, they were trying to do an... intervention? Of some kind? They were currently going over a list of his crimes to date, most of which were stuff they had also done, just framed in a significantly worse light..

Graves was wearing a suit at the moment, having been wearing one for a meeting that he was going to have with Farah and a few higher ups in the Russian government. It was supposed to be just a few things to smooth over everything and she thought his presence might be helpful. Alex would also be there and he was also in a suit. Apparently Gaz had been particularly excited about it. Not excited enough to overlook Price's... interest though.

He was listening to them talk to Price about all of the bad things. They tried to get Alex to pitch in but he just vouched that Graves was a pretty nice guy, just goal oriented. When he had a mission, he didn't stop.

Graves appreciated the comments. He looked at himself, thinking about his much more expensive, much more fitted suit. They had only gotten through Ghost, the least talkative one, in the time that Graves was listening, so he took this as an opportunity.

Graves went back to his room and got redressed. He put on some cufflinks, even added a few rings. This was his chance to maybe get Price as obsessed with him as he was.

They had moved on to Soap who was ranting at length about the fact that Graves shot Soap in the shoulder, which wasn't even correct because technically it was one of his Shadows.

Graves waltzed in, pretending to be fixing his sleeves. "Alex, I think the time zones got me a bit messed up. How long until our meeting?" He glanced at them and he made sure to look... unimpressed.

Price grabbed his jacket and immediately put it in his lap. Graves almost smirked, but instead, he just glanced around at them.

Soap and Gaz looked defeated. Graves wasn't good enough at reading Ghost to figure out his expression. He thought it was acceptance honestly. Ghost had known Price the longest according to what he had heard and he must know what Price looked for.

Graves talked to Alex for another moment, hearing Gaz whisper shout at Price "Really?? You're bricked up right now??"

Alex answered, clearly trying not to smile. "Actually, we should probably go now. We'll be back in two hours, guys."

Graves waved at them and if he made sure to make eye contact with Price, fluttering his eyelashes before leaving, Alex close behind.

Alex waited until they were out of earshot of the two of them. "He's down bad."

Graves smiled. "Yeah... Might have to take him on a date. Think if I treat him somewhere fancy, he'll let me take him home?"

"On the first date?? Probably if you wore a suit."

-

Graves groaned as he came home. The meeting ran late but he was excited to be home to take a shower. He went to take off his jacket before Price cleared his throat.

Graves glanced at him, in the dark, beanie on and in civvies. "Was this what Shepherd saw in his last moments?" He motioned to him.

Price nodded and took a puff of his cigar. "Yeah, it was. Different shirt though."

"Ah..." Graves felt his mouth go dry. He was so hot it made his head dizzy.

"Am I making you nervous, Commander?"

"Not at all, Captain. I'm actually glad I'm talking to you."

Price leaned back and spreading his legs a little more, as if getting comfy. "Really?"

"Interested in dinner with me?"

Price's expression didn't change as he slowly took another drag. He was luckily Graves didn't mind cigar smoke. "I wouldn't mind it."

"There a particular reason you covering your lap right now?"

Price didn't look away. "You're sexy in those suits. You changed on purpose."

"Knew you'd see right through me, even if your team can't." Graves slid his jacket off, not missing the way his eyes lingered. "Be nice to me and I'll wear a suit on our date."

Price laughed softly. "Right..." He stood up and walked closer, clearly looking Graves up and down. They were both too confident. Headstrong. Ambitious.

The sex was going to be mindblowing.

"I look forward to our date, Commander."

"I said dinner. Not a date."

Price's eyes widened a little, reminding Graves of the puppies in commercials. Quickly, he corrected himself. "Of course it's a date, Captain. I'll see you tomorrow night?"

Price nodded but he took a moment to admire the view before leaving.

[ac3-76]

Ninjago Headcannons (pt. 3)

warnings: none🦄

Kai has a list of things he hates on his notes app

he also has one of things he loves

Lloyd uses his calander app all the time

He actually made all the ninjas download Howbout so they could have easy access to eachothers schedules

Nya volunteers at the local animal shelters

Cole likes taking naps outside

His favorite spot is a tree near the monastery that has good shade

or on the roof of the monastary

Lloyd loves Deadpool

Zane prefers DC over Marvel, but X-Men over both

Kai doesn't like superhero movies

He'll watch them once with the other Ninjas, but after that he's not watching them

Kai does however love murder mysteries

his favorites are Clue and Murder on Oriental Express(1979 not 2017)

Jay watches all genres, but he has a slight preference towards romcoms

Nya has a stuff animal collection, it's mostly bears

The guys are always afraid of sparring with Nya bc they'll be tired, sore, and bruised and Nya won't even be sweating

All of the ninjas and Master Wu watch Mr Poppers Penguins together on Christmas

Jay's really into photography

the camera he uses most is an Olympus OM-D E-M10 Mark IV, but he has a whole collection of cameras

Nya has the most comfortable bed and the others like to nap in it

Lloyd has a huge hoodie collection, prolly 35 hoodies give or take a few

Cole has a huge sweater collection

Kai has a huge zip up jacket collection

Pixal started crocheting when the ninjas were gone in season 11 as a way to cope, and the hobby just kinda stuck

Kai is a huge bookworm

He cries when he reads Five Feet Apart and when he watches the movie

everytime without fail

There are wax warmers throughout the monestary

The bounties have febreeze wall plugs in them

They grow their own herbs, seasonings, vegetables, and fruits in a garden by the monestary

Zanes favorite animals are giraffes

Lloyd doesn't talk to Misako unless they're physically together

Zane smells really good, he has the best cologne collection out of the ninjas

Nya wears men's deodorant

it works better for her as a ninja

idk if Pixal has to wear deodorant bc she's a nindroid, but if she did she would also wear men's deodorant

Nya re-watches the Twilight Saga every time it gets stormy and rainy

They replace half a cup of flour in desserts with half a cup of protein powder

(ex: cookies call for 2 1/4 cups of flour so they add 1 3/4 cups of flour and 1/2 cup of protein powder)

They started doing it cus they were short on flour once and didn't feel like going to the store

but then the cookies tasted better so now they do for all of their desserts

Zane was a Warrior Cats kid

Kai was a Wings of Fire kid

Nya was a Keeper of the Lost Cities kid

Lloyd was a Magic Treehouse kid

Jay was a Diaries of a Whimpy Kid kid

Cole was a I Survived kid

Zanes favorite form of working out is cardio

Nyas favorite Disney princesses are Tiana and Anastasia

Kai had to watch a lot of Disney princess movies with Nya and he can confidently say his favorite Disney Princesses are Ariel and Tiana

however their favorite Disney movie is Lady and the Tramp

[theology101]

LEAVE MY BABYGIRL ALONE

This man has been nothing but the best for his students, even if they didn’t always get it.

Let’s get something out of the gate - as a Stone Genasi and Oath of the Ancestors, if he was connected to any of the Giant Gods, it would probably be either the one tied to Fall or Spring (My money is on a Cloud Giant for spring and Stone Giant for Fall) and NOT the summer oriented Fire Giant God. It’d make more sense that his Oath of Ancestors means that he’s probably tied to the Stone over the Fire.

And this is all assuming that Porter worships a Giant God - the man isn’t even a giant. Lucy was a Genasi who followed a Giant God, that doesn’t nesacarily mean that Porter is also a Genasi following a Giant God. We don’t even know if he follows a God, it could easily just be an Elder Earth Elemental or like, Peepaw Cliffbreaker. Paladins have oaths, not gods - its just that oaths are sworn most often to Gods that they get it wrong

Anyways - Rage.

Do you think that Brennan Lee Mulligan thinks Rage is bad? Like, this id a narrative and it has a message - and that message probably is not going to end up being ‘Anger is bad.’ Because it ISNT.

Lydia has been in a rage for decades. Put that into perspective a DnD rage is meant to last Ten Rounds - 1 minute - with at most like, 4-5 uses a day. Lydia, for the safety of herself and the world, has been at it for over twenty years.

Adaine was so angry with her dad she killed him, and that moment was justified and cathartic! It was a hell yeah! And it was a moment of raw fucking rage.

“Do you have a warrant? Do you have a fucking warrant?” Gorgug my boy for the first time in your entire life you allowed yourself to get angry without self recrimination or doubt. And you know what Porter’s reaction to that was?

Pride. Absolute Pride.

“Rage is not a bad thing - Ayda… says you’re the greatest wizard of this age. And I feel LUCKY to have you in my class. You’re someone who can use that rage in a smart way but it’s not wrong to want… to fuck shit up sometimes!”

You want to know whats dangerous? What’s bad for you? Bottling up your emotions and never expressing them. Feeling terrible for what you’re feeling. Thinking your emotions are harmful intrinsically.

This is another Nightmare King circumstance. A God and their spouse were murdered, by Sol. People forget that a lot, Sol murdered Cassandra and now we learned it was a double homicide. Does this Summer God of Fire not deserve to feel angry? Is that not justified?

IT IS!

The Rat Grinders are the only followers of this Rage God. What they are is what the Rat Grinders want. As Above, so Below.

If Fig does as Porter told her to, she could restore this God just as Kristen did with Cassandra. If terror and confusion can turn into comfort in doubt, why can’t Unchecked Fury turn into justified expression of emotion?

[dreamcubed]

all of the girls you loved before | lee jordan x reader

song; all of the girls you loved before [taylor swift] pairing; lee jordan x fem!seer-coded!reader genre; f2l, angst, hurt comfort word count; 2,3k timeline; order of the phoenix —> deathly hallows warnings;swearing, references to war, aftermath of war, major injuries, canon death, references to grief summary; lee had many an ex, and you had a few yourself, but that didn't stop everything from feeling new with him

sorry this took as long as it did, went through a break up and started uni xx

also this is unedited so...

masterlist

"every dead-end street led you straight to me."

—————————————————

Despite the unholy presence of Dolores Umbridge at Hogwarts, you felt a resonating sense of tranquility as you sat in the courtyard with your eyes shut. The last sunbeams of Summer were beating down on you before Autumn struck in all its auburn glory: hurling you into the reality of seventh year and your NEWTs. But, for now, you would allow yourself to ignore the world's troubles, as the creeping feeling that things would soon get a lot worse lingered. You had always had a knack for predicting things like that, it was why you excelled in divination so well.

"I'm sorry, Erica, but I'm breaking up with you," you heard a voice say nearby you, "I just feel like we haven't been very in tune with each other all Summer."

Curiosity got the better of you, and you opened one of your eyes to see Lee Jordan, a boy in your year who moved in a similar social circle to you, and his (now ex) girlfriend Erica, from the year below.

"I get it, Lee, I've been feeling the same," she half-smiled, "Best wishes for the future."

"You too," you watched as they hugged, "No hard feelings, yeah?"

"Of course," she nodded, "See you around."

Lee remained stood as she walked away, and you took that moment to make your presence known.

"Most civil break-up I've ever witnessed."

He jumped a bit at your statement, but upon realising it was you, chuckled slightly, "Yeah. She's a good person. We just weren't right for each other."

You hummed, "Very mature. I'm impressed."

"What about you? Still with Chris?"

With a laugh, you shook your head, "Merlin, no. We called it off at the beginning of Summer."

"May I ask why?"

You shrugged, "I decided we weren't right for each other when I caught him making out with another girl."

"Shit, I'm sorry."

Waving him off, you said, "The easiness of getting over him made me realise I wasn't as in love as I thought I was."

"That's good, I guess? Still wasted time, though."

"I don't view anything as a waste of time," you smiled, "Every interaction and experience is a part of who you are."

"That's a beautiful way to look at it," he said genuinely, and you realised this wasn't the same immature boy you had met all those years ago.

"I suppose. Still pissed my typically correct foresight didn't think to warn me about the cheating though."

He laughed, as he knew enough about you to know of your skills in divination.

***

It was with a peaceful smile on your face that you watched your friends jump into the chilly water of the Black Lake, screaming about the temperature and splashing each other relentlessly. The breeze was becoming nippier, and you were grateful that you had elected to stay tucked up under a tree with a book in your hand. Everyone being so happy and care-free felt like it would soon become a rare gift, so you made sure to relish the moment, not sure if you wanted to inform the others of what your intuition was telling you.

"Y/N," you watched Lee call out as he emerged from the water, completely soaked, "Can you dry me, please?"

With a chuckle, you pulled out your wand and cast a simple drying spell, watching the cascading water droplets that had been falling down Lee's toned chest disappear.

"What are you reading?" he asked, tugging on a shirt and jacket before sitting down next to you.

"Murder On The Orient Express," you replied, showing him the cover, "Very famous muggle book, it's for my muggle studies class."

He nodded his head in understanding, watching your friends that were still in the water, "You were wise for not getting in. It's freezing."

"It's mid-Autumn— outdoor swimming is a Summer activity."

"Live a little," he shrugged.

And as you watched his lips curl up and crinkle at his cheeks, you felt the first signs of your intuition creeping up on you: a warm, transcendent feeling that you had felt before relationships in the past. Only this time, it was ten times stronger, touching the deepest parts of your soul and making you view Lee in a new light. Knowing better than to rush your inner predictions, you said nothing to him, sighing happily as you leant back against the trunk of the tree.

"Do you think things will change a lot when we leave Hogwarts?" he asked suddenly.

With a raised eyebrow, you treaded carefully as you asked a follow up question, "Do you mean in terms of our friend group, or the world?"

"Our friends— the world— both, I guess."

"Things will inevitably change between the group, but I think we'll still be very close. Just won't see each other as much."

He nodded, "And the world?"

Lee didn't fail to notice the way your expression became grave, even if you quickly tried to hide it and appear optimistic.

"Shit," he mumbled, "Do you know what happens?"

For a moment, you allowed yourself to laugh, "I don't get premonitions, Lee, just feelings."

"Right."

"But, my guess would be You-Know-Who."

It was clear that he had been the first thing that went to Lee's mind, too. "It must be such a burden carrying that around," he said sincerely.

You shrugged, "A lot of people think I'm full of shit."

"You're not," he scoffed, "The amount of quidditch games we've had where you've predicted something will go wrong."

"Yeah, well, the government's denying that he's back."

"The government's full of shit."

You hummed, "Not all of my feelings are bad, though."

"What's something good you predict?"

With an airy laugh, you gave him a wink, "You'll see."

***

You hadn't hesitated to join Dumbledore's Army after the meeting that Harry Potter had called together, as you were relieved to find other people that were just as sure of You-Know-Who's return as you were. Of course, in Harry Potter's case, he had actually seen him in the flesh. It was much more iron-clad proof than your inexplicable predictions.

So, you found yourself learning the patronus charm in the Room of Requirement, alongside students of many different years and backgrounds. Only, Slytherin wasn't represented at all in the midst of people. It wasn't a shock, but it was still interesting to observe in your opinion.

"Expecto patronum!" you shouted, channelling the happiest memory you could think of and letting such sensations unfurl through your veins. To your pleasure, a fully formed patronus immediately emerged, snarling and roaring as it pounced around the air. You never would have guessed that you had the heart of a lioness.

Then, to your amazement, a lion with a full mane joined alongside your lioness, and they pounced in a circle together like they had some unspoken bond.

"Great work, L/N, Jordan!" the voice of Potter called out, and you turned around to see Lee stood nearby you with his wand raised, evidently responsible for the lion.

"Maybe we're soulmates," Lee laughed as your patronuses dissolved into thin air.

Perhaps it was the distant yet content look on your face that made him come to a realisation, or perhaps he had just thought about it more, but he quickly stopped laughing.

"Can you predict that kind of thing?"

You didn't reply, just smiled at him. Really, you did adore being vague, because people always assumed that you simply couldn't divulge much information.

***

Staring at the written wound on the back of your palm, you found yourself surprisingly lacking anger: Umbridge was cruel, and shouldn't be allowed to come anywhere near a school, but there was nothing you could do for now. Defeat wasn't how you would describe your emotions, it was more of a resolve, knowing that to make things better in the long-run, life would be tough and trying for now. Your eyes widened when Lee came barrelling around the corner.

"I heard you had detention with her," he grumbled, quickly taking your hand in his.

You shrugged, "I'm fine."

"I know you're fine," he sighed, "You're always fine."

At that, you couldn't help but laugh, "Physical pain is nothing."

"Does Umbridge know you have a knack for predicting the future?"

You nodded, "Of course. Her Slytherin suck-ups told her."

"And...?"

"She made me take veritaserum," you sighed, "Pointless, really. I only get feelings, not visions."

He tilted his head curiously.

"Must have been a real kick to her ministry ego when I told her that my feelings tell me You-Know-Who is very much around and going to get stronger."

Lee let out an ironic laugh. "Not what she wanted to hear."

"No," you murmured, "But ask, and you shall receive."

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt too much?"

"Stinging pain is manageable. It's the achey pain that gets you."

He sighed but let the topic go, and helped you up to begin walking to the Great Hall for dinner.

"Why'd you come running anyway, hm? We're not that close."

Lee turns his head away shyly, before saying, "Well... ever since you... implied that there's romantic potential between us, I..."

You remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

"I think I've been feeling the connection as well."

At that, you smiled softly.

"And, looking back, everything seemed to point to you. We were always put next to each other in lessons, you were always the first person I saw in a crowd, you always showed up whenever I needed company— whether you realised it or not."

You chuckled at his words.

"And, well, even though we've never been close, or even really friends, I always felt comfortable around you."

Silently, you slipped your hand into his and squeezed softly, "My feelings come when they're meant to, when we're supposed to be more."

"And now's the time?"

You glanced up at his warm brown eyes, "Now's the time."

***

The fallout after the Battle of Hogwarts was a cacophony of mixed emotions: there was no morning glory, there was no relief, no sense of victory. All anyone could feel and see was the destruction and devastating grief that hung heavy in the air. Anxiety chewed at your insides, tossing and turning as you awaited confirmation that Lee was one of the survivors— you had been separated early on in the battle. The empty space where your lower left leg had once been served as a reminder that you were a mere mortal whose life could be taken away at the flick of a wand, and that the same could be said for your boyfriend.

Despite your shared flat, neither of you had dared to discuss plans for the future when its very existence was so uncertain. Now, all you could think was that you would never get to have those conversations with him; never talk about marriage, never decide on my how many children to have, never pick out a house of your own. So many topics that you only wished to discuss with him lingered in the back of your mind.

Hot tears poured down your face before you felt them coming— emotions overpowering your gift of foresight that may have hinted at his survival.

"Y/N?"

You looked up at George Weasley, a close friend of yours since you had begun dating Lee. Subconsciously, you glanced behind him at the motionless corpse of his twin brother, a death which did not help your state.

"Hey, George," you murmured, patting the space next to you for him to sit down.

Other than the greeting, you didn't know what to say to a man who had just lost his other half. But, sometimes words weren't necessary, sometimes silent company was the slither of light amongst darkness. George rested his head on your shoulder, and you leaned your own head against his.

"You'd think magic would have figured out a way to regrow limbs," he joked, his tone broken and forced.

You smiled achingly, "Yeah, you would."

"Any word from Lee?"

You closed your eyes, "Nothing."

He hummed, not even daring to suggest there was no way he wasn't alive, when the both of you now knew all too well that wasn't true. "Whatever happens, we have each other."

"Yeah," you said softly, "And we both know, if Freddie had known how he was going to die, he wouldn't have changed it for the world."

George chuckled a bit, but before he could reply, you caught sight of a beaten and bruised man limping into the makeshift infirmary with the support of two other people.

"Lee," you choked out, stumbling to get up before remembering you couldn't walk anymore. George rushed to your aid, supporting you as you hopped over to your boyfriend together.

"Y/N," Lee spoke hoarsely, his tired eyes full of relief even as he noticed your lack of limb, "Since when was I dating a pirate?"

More tears brimmed at your eyes as you smiled, "Since two hours ago."

George left the two of you alone to return to his family when you sat down next to each other, Lee's wounds being treated.

"I was worried sick," you both said simultaneously, which made you laugh ever so slightly. You continued, "I was so scared we'd never even be able to talk about our future."

He took your hand in his, "Well, now we can."

You nodded, resting your nose against his cheek.

"So, since there's no time like the present, let's start with the first thing."

You looked up in shock.

"I don't have a ring, but... will you be my wife?"

"Obviously, you stupid prick," you sobbed.

————————————————

masterlist

written; 12/06/2024 —> 08/11/2024 published;08/11/2024 edited; —/—/——

[thetypedwriter]

Klara and the Sun Book Review

Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro

I have been on such a journey lately. A journey of rediscovery. 

For a while now, I have felt…bored with YA. Don’t get me wrong, there are some absolute gems. Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat and Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross come to mind.

However, a lot of the other YA books I’ve read in the last year or two have felt incredibly mundane, cliched, and tropey. They all feel the same.  

So lately, I have been getting out of my comfort zone. I’ve been reading less YA and instead as many books as possible in as many myriad genres as possible.

It has been enlightening.

I feel invigorated with reading again, falling in love with words and pages like I did so long ago that set me on this path of creating book reviews and becoming an English teacher and writing my own book. 

I haven’t written reviews for them all, but I’ve read Brave New World, The Outsiders, Murder on the Orient Express, The Women, and plan on reading an adult horror novel called Home Before Dark by Riley Sager and Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt soon. 

All this to say, I’ve rekindled my love for stories and characters, all thanks to the variety of novels I’ve recently been consuming. Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro is no exception. 

Klara and the Sun is an adult novel that is told from the perspective of Klara, an artificial friend (AF). Klara is essentially a selfless robot who yearns to be put in a home and given a ward.

She watches the outside from her shop window, pining for the sun (she is a solar powered robot) and dreaming of the day she can go outside the shop on her own and be given a purpose. 

Her day comes. Klara is taken home by Josie, a thirteen-year-old girl, and her mother. What unfolds is Klara’s experience in this new place with Josie and her mother, the people in their life, the despairing world around them, and a nefarious secret with ambiguous motivations. 

I would get into the plot more, but that really is the basics. It would take an unbelievable amount of work to explain the complexities of Klara and this new life she’s found herself in and it’s better for people to read the book and see the mystery unravel for themselves.

Ishiguro as an author is really intriguing because he gives you nothing but bread crumbs. In a direct comparison to YA, Klara and the Sun gives you teensy morsels about society and the world, but never enough for you to piece things together until well into more than halfway through the book.

I only found this frustrating near the 200 page mark when I was desperate for answers. Up until then, though, I found it refreshing that an author wasn’t shoving lengthy exposition down my throat. 

I will say that the ending of Klara and the Sun was anticlimactic for me. What you expect

to happen just…happens. There’s no twist, no shock, no great revelations. When you finally realize Klara’s true purpose it comes across as a bit…problematic, but it’s not that wild of an idea once you think about it more fully and realize all the foreshadowing leading up to it. 

My favorite part of Klara and the Sun was Klara herself. I love the trope of robots becoming more human-like or learning about humanity (the movie, The Wild Robot, is a great example of this that I saw and loved recently). So I’m a bit biased when it comes to this trope in general. 

Ishiguro’s writing wasn’t beautiful exactly, but very dialogue driven which I found interesting. I liked that he didn’t push his world building in my face every opportunity he got, but I would have appreciated a little more explanation about the society and world he created.

There are still facts and details that are hazy after finishing the book that I would have expected to be more fleshed out. It would have been a better book with more of everything expanded upon. 

Recommendation: If you love robots becoming human as much as I do, you will enjoy Klara and the Sun. While it wasn’t the deepest read, nor one that I thought stuck the landing at the end, I still enjoyed the process.

I loved Klara’s POV, the ethics that arise from her place in the world, and the questions that popped up in my mind as a result from this story. As always, any book that makes me think is a book worth reading. 

Score: 7/10

[lemonmoxy]

Ok, I know I'm a year late but MY BOY. They murdered my boy! Poirot is my favorite gay uncle, he is NOT my straight sad uncle.

So, I watched A Haunting in Venice which is an adaptation of Agatha Christie's Halloween Party by Kenneth Branagh, and I did not care for it. I did not care for it a lot. And that is why I have held you hostage here.

So disclaimer: I do not care about adaptational changes. I have the books. I have the David Scuhet's movies. Kenneth can make changes. Halloween Party is even a fine Christie story to change. It's fine but its not a masterpiece. It's just, if you're going to change things they should be lateral changes or better changes, not worse changes.

Now, for disclosure of bias. I have not liked any of these. I've found them all overwrought wastes of my time. But my partner loves Poirot, me, and doesn't mind wasting both of our times. And when he offers me fancy cheeses and movies, I say yes.

This movie was an absolute waste of my time. I did not like it. I got nothing of value out of it. It wasn't even bad coz that would have been interesting.

I do not like this Sherlock- I mean Poirot. They made him straight, they took away his OCD. They took away his heart of gold. He's just a sad mean old man, and he's not fun to watch. What does Kenneth think he's here to do? And its not just Poirot its the whole world. There's no sense of fun in these movies. In Orient Express it makes sense (although it made no sense to adapt that one first Kenneth). But Halloween Party? Guys live a fucking little.

Someone needs to explain to male directors that just because they're telling a story of cultural importance, doesn't make it epic. Agatha Christie's stories are fantastic! They're major cultural pieces of art. They are not epic though. They are fun mysteries. Kenneth, buddy, do you know what fun is? Because your movies haven't captured an iota of it.

That's maybe a slight exaggeration. There was one moment that made me smile. When Poirot said he would kill himself if the police solved the mystery before him, that was a real moment.

Poirot doesn't need war trauma guys. I don't even know how to tell you this. I fucking blame all the Sherlock adaptations for this. The detective shouldn't have that much going on, because we're here for the mystery not Poirot's damage. And if he must have damage it should be from things that we've seen and care about, not like, his dead wife. Or God forbid his dead congregation, looking at you BBC One. come on.

Making the killer the mother who couldn't stand to let her daughter grow up is predictable. It was my partner's first guess and he never gets these things right. I had guessed it was a Romeo and Juliet went wrong, which I think would have been interesting. But no, once again the faults of the child belong at the hands of the mother.

Also the whole time my partner was joking that the movie was going to decide that ghosts were real. And it did (kinda). Bizarre. I mean if you're going to that fucking go all out guys. Show me the dead girl waving to the survivors through the window. Have any fun with the idea. Please

Why was the parrot there? What was the point of it? Why is this child acting like the most world weary 11 year old? Has Kenneth met a child? Normally I'd be like "oh Lemon, it's just for fun" but Kenneth is determined we not have any, so what the hell?

Ah yes, let's put the man in the sound proof room and give the key very pointedly to one person. My partner and I were like "well whatever he knows is going to his grave" and yeah dead next scene coz duh. It was all very... I mean I know it's rude to compare a writer to Agatha Christie, but they're the ones who decided to square up. Every important clue dialogue is so obvious. Every death flag. They might as well do a pop-up on the screen. I've played Nancy Drew video games with more subtly.

They assassinated Ariadne, Christie's stand in for herself. And I feel very very negatively about this. Ah yes, kill her movies with shitty adaptations and then do a character assassination of her self insert. I mean, you can't say they're half-assing this. Tina Fey was actually good, it's not her fault almost all her lines were terribly written.

You can get the Dutch angle privilege back when you show me know how to use it properly Kenneth. Until then it's on the shelf.

If you wanted to do a horror movie hiding in a mystery story or a mystery story hiding in a horror movie, you need to commit to either idea Kenneth. Do something.

I am so so so tired of directors who keep acting like they have something important to say when they have nothing and refuse to have fun with the things that they do have.

They cannot keep getting away with this, guys. It's imperative we do something about this. Don't go see Nolan's Odyssey, I'm begging you. I'll never escape any other way.

[meandmypagancrew]

So, I don’t know if I’m the only one who noticed this, but with the exception of Barbie, am I the only one who thinks most movies recently have been really poorly marketed?

Like, Oppenheimer was a critical success but I think we can agree the marketing team did an abysmal job - like Christopher Nolan’s name definitely sold plenty of tickets but for the most part, it seems they just let the Barbieheimer memes carry them to the finish line.

Now, I’m not sure if this is related to the strike, if marketing teams for movies completed before it but not released yet are striking or if they’re one of the exceptions that was carved out - which, if they’re striking, good for them, but if not, I don’t think they’re doing very good jobs. I think a good example of this is A Haunting In Venice. This movie comes out in less than a month, and I haven’t seen a single trailer for this movie despite going to the movies several times over the past few months, and while my local theatre does have a poster up for it, this is it.

Now, this is a bad poster. The only thing it’s inspired in us is confusion. After Indiana Jones and Barbie and all the Ghibli Fest movies we’ve gone to we’ve stood and looked at this poster and all we’ve felt is confusion. I mean, we recognized that that’s the actor who played Hercule Poirot in Death on the Nile and Murder on the Orient Express, but did that mean this was another one of those or is it a mere coincidence that he’s in another movie? Actors do that, you know, they play multiple roles. And especially since the Agatha Christie book this is based on is actually called something different, it really doesn’t convey enough information to actually get people interested, I feel.

So I took five minutes and improved it. I feel this poster is 50% more likely to sell tickets because it’s at least 75% more informative and has 100% more false advertising because I couldn’t resist.

[archersxartxblog]

Home for the Holidays

look I started the thing, probably do more tomorrow this is not proof read enjoy, there be more later

part two

---

“Coming to bed Zisu?” Ingo called from down the hall as he got ready to head to bed himself. “We've got some running around to do tomorrow before we pick up the boys at the port. Best if we turn in for the night now.”

The Chandelure sighed, glancing back towards the door, then back up at the full moon. 

Caleb's room really did have the best view of the night sky. 

In about twelve hours her boys would be home from school on winter break. To say she was excited would be the understatement of the century. She missed them dearly whenever they were gone, sure there had been calls every day but they weren't the same as having them home. And she knew that Ingo felt the same way.

Better yet Christmas was right around the corner. Lots of fun to be had there. 

Caleb would no doubt take claim over the kitchen to bake all kinds of delicious little treats.

Fjord would be parking himself on the couch to rotate between video games and watching Murder on the Orient Express, or any other Cozy Crime movie/show he could find, while knitting up sweaters and scarves for everyone.

Emmet would fight to get the decorations up, becoming frustrated with the lights yet refusing to ask for help.

And Ingo would go out looking for a good tree, because the smell of real pine made getting a real tree better than a plastic one.

She just wished she could join them in the festivities as a person, rather than as a pokemon.

Maybe she was being greedy…but dragons, she wanted time with her family, just once!

Sure, maybe she should be happy that she had been given a second life as a Litwick, and had got to spend her afterlife with Ingo and his brother. And maybe she should happy that she got to see her kids, again.

And as awkward as it had been at the time it was revealed, it was nice to be called ‘Zisu’ and ‘Mom’ again.

But dang it! 

Why should she just be happy with just this?

Did it really make up for the fact that she lost Ingo,not once but Twice, and had also been forced to give up her kids?

Did this really make up for all this?

She wished for just one month! Just one month to spend with her family! 

Just one month.

She wanted to bake with Caleb, Watch a movie with Fjord, Help Emmet with the decorations, and go tree hunting with Ingo.

Just one full month with them as herself, and she was willing to call it all even and be content as a Chandelure.

“Zisu?” 

Slowly she turned away from the window, feeling a gentle resting against her globe. There was Ingo, staring down at her worriedly as she floated in front of him.

“Is everything alright, Zisu?” He asked, running his thumb in soothing circles over her glass surface.

 she gave him a little chime as an answer. The simple ‘I'm fine’ kind of dismissive answer one gives when they're not in fact fine but don't want to talk about it. Not like he could call her out on it.

“Come on, let's head to bed.” He continued on, letting his hand slide down to her metal arms. “You'll want to be well rested, for when the boys come home tomorrow. I'm sure they'll be happy to see you.”

He was right. 

Besides, what was the point of wishing for something that would never happen.

So she nodded, bobbing in the air slightly, and following Ingo out of the room. Completely unaware that her little wish did not go noticed.

–

As morning came, Zisu groaned as the sun shone right in her eyes.

Wanting just a few more minutes, she rolled over, pulled the blankets further up over her, and wrapped her arms around Ingo. 

“Zisu…?”

She winced slightly at Ingo’s voice, she hadn't meant to wake him, she just wanted to cuddle just a while longer. “Sorry, just go back to sleep for a bit” She chimed…

No, she didn't chime…those were words…human words…

Quickly, she let go of Ingo and sat up. Now completely awake, because she was able to actually sit up.

She looked down at her hands, amazed to see that she actually had hands. Soft, fleshy, human hands. 

She could even see bits of her hair hanging down in her face.

“Zisu?”

She looked back at Ingo, to see the man looking up at her with a look of fear and confusion. And without a second thought, she scooped him up in her arms, hugging him tightly to her chest. 

He was so warm.

Slowly his arms came up to return the embrace, his face pressing into her shoulder as he spoke. “Zisu…Please tell me we are not back in Hisui.”

Zisu felt her heartbreak a little. Hisui had not been kind to him. And she was sure that this turn of events was probably as shocking to him as it had been to her. maybe even causing the poor man to doubt his own mind.

But still, Zisu looked out the window just to confirm her own suspension. smiling as she could see the large fairest wheel off in the distance.

“We're still in Unova” She said, giving him a soft squeeze. “And this is real.”

[therealvinelle]

As a casual Agatha Christie fan, I am delighted by that recommendation. Do you have any other favorite books from her?

Sure!

And Then There Were None Ten people go to an island, it does not go well. This one stands out in that it has a good adaptation!

Appointment with Death The murder is ingenius and all in this one, but what I particularly enjoy is how well Christie captures the power an abusive mother can have over her adult children, it's a dynamic you don't often see in fiction (at least not played out this way).

Cards on the Table M. Shaitana has a fantastic idea: he's going to invite four murderers and four law enforcers to his house for a night of bridge, and he's going to stir up as much drama as possible. Things do not go well for M. Shaitana. (Stay miles away from the Suchet adaptation)

Crooked House The patriarch of an affluent family dies, and his twelve-year-old granddaughter decides to investigate. I was the same age when I first read it, which made the ending uh interesting.

Curtain Poirot finds the perfect murderer.

Death on the Nile Makes the list for many reasons, it's such a classical Christie but also because nobody agrees with Jackie's life choices, not even Jackie.

Hallowe'en Party A child claims to have witnessed a murder, no one believes her. A few hours later she's found murdered. I mostly like this one for the utterly insane murderer. What a champ.

Murder on the Orient Express There's a murder on the Orient Express. (If you want a film version, the 1974 version is the best. Suchet's version is... melodramatic, I don't like its ending but it had a fantastic opening scene, while the Branagh version is an atrocity, do not watch.)

Ordeal by Innocence Five years ago Arthur Calgary nerded about penguins to some random guy then left for Antarctica the next day. It was great. Now he returns to England only to find that the man was Jacob Argyle, and he was accused of murdering his mother that night. He kept claiming his alibi was some penguin guy and could give very specific, identifying details that five years later make Arthur Calgary "yup, that's me!", but Calgary was in Antarctica at the time so he never came forward. And uh Jacob died in prison in the meantime. But, Calgary tells himself, the important thing is that Jacob was innocent, right? Right? The Argyle family, who had finally put this behind them only to learn that their brother was innocent and one of the remaining members did it, don't agree.

Sad Cypress Elinor Carlisle is sad. She's about to hang for a double homicide she might not have committed, but even without that she'd still be pretty miserable.

The Secret Adversary I felt I had to recommend a Tommy and Tuppence, and while I don't remember much of any of them I'll just recommend the first one in the series. Tommy and Tuppence books are more political thriller than the usual fare, great fun if you want to switch things up during your Christie binge. (Do not touch ITV's By the Pricking of My Thumbs, though.)

The Mirror Crack'd One of my all-time favorites and weirdly formative. Miss Marple is grappling with the realities of old age, and solves a murder along the way. It's more character heavy than many of Christie's books, people do the things they do because it is in their nature and they can't escape it.

The Mysterious Affair at Styles The very first one! It makes the list for that. And because if you plan to read Curtain, you should read this one first as it references this one a lot.

Towards Zero Following the logic that the murder isn't the beginning of the story, but rather the culmination of one, this story is building towards the zero point - the moment the murder will occur.

Honestly, anon, I'm just listing Christies I fondly remember, I can keep going but the post will just get unreasonably long. Go read Agatha Christie, she's great.

Hercule Poirot's Christmas and A Pocketful of Rye get special shoutouts because while I haven't read the books, the ITV adaptations were really good, the former particularly with the casting and the latter particularly with the way the reveal was done. Same goes for One, Two, Buckle My Shoe, haven't read it but the adaptation was great.

(Overall I'm ambivalent about ITV's adaptations, the Poirot series wanted to be a fairly light, feelgood show the whole family could watch after dinner, and while both series liked to change things from the books and overall make them more daytime television, the Miss Marple series changed a lot more than the Poirot series did. They both have a nasty habit of putting Poirot and Marple in stories they weren't originally, usually to the story's detriment (passive aggressive shoutout to By the Pricking of My Thumbs). It's annoying, though does make it hilarious that they couldn't put Poirot in Crooked House.

They're still entertaining and I don't turn off the TV when an episode is on unless it's one of the bad ones, but... well it's daytime television-ified Christie.)

[fishymom-art]

What genre/ fave book would be for each member of old metal and ink cast? Sorry I'm a bit of a bookworm :') Have a good one!

OH GOD HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MAN I DUNNO XD I don’t really read that much. I collect books and comics as merchandise and that’s about it XD

Buuuuttttt I did mention some specific books throughout the comic/put in the background.

Johnny - The Ice Queen

Nelly - Alice in Wonderland

Joey - The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

For the rest I have a couple of ideas (not for everyone tho). They aren’t exactly accurate to the time period but I think it’s something they’d like + those are just some of my favourite books that I’ve read when I was still into reading hahaha

Thomas - Murder on Orient Express. He would’ve hated Poirot coz he would’ve figured out the whole thing right in the beginning

Susie - Leviathan, Behemoth, and Goliath trilogy COZ I GET TO ASSIGN MY FAVOURITE STEAMPUNK BOOKS TO MY FAVOURITE STEAMPUNK CODED LADY

Daniel - reads only for studying purposes but Susie forced him to read Leviathan, so he keeps that on his shelf

Sammy - Not much of a book person, but he’d like Heather Ale (not a book but still). Mostly because it’s by the same author that Joey likes.

Henry - Frankenstein. Someone gave it to him as a joke but he got legit into it.

Wilson - whatever Talyn picks up is automatically on Wilson’s reading list.

[swoosbadfuture]

ian and erin headcanons . hi im sane

Ian

Barely scraping 5’7

Half Canadian on his mom’s side

Bisexual, male pref

Straight A* student all aside from literature in which he barely has a B. Do not mention literature to him ever he’ll go mad

superiority complex . start the clown music . he needs to prove he’s the best always because if he isn’t the best then he’s automatically the worst

Very very autistic + low empathy. Prefers logic > emotion . Has a kind of “im not the weird one everyone else is weird I’m the normal one” view by accident

Complete Mama’s boy. you would never expect it but he is her little boy through and through

Gets along well w his dad too but they have very similar personalities and kinda clash a lot . Similar ideals just both very argumentative n stubborn . But god they will sit and listen to music for hours and just go full autism mode over it

Both his parents are very chill though. They are also both goths n r very proud of Ian

He's an only child

Voice breaks the moment he shows any emotion he’ll be talking normally n then get emotional n his voice just 📈

Speaking of which he is overly emotional and very bad at expressing it . very volatile person

Loyal to a fault and very justice oriented but also kinda holds these values to everyone without realising not everyone has the same morals . He doesn’t quite Get that not everyone is the same as him

Overprotective in a way that sometimes comes across as possessive . He’s not possessive he just has issues okay 💔

Phobia of the ocean and everything in it u will never see him on a boat ever he’d rather Die

Was good friends with Jason in kindergarten but kinda drifted apart from him as Jason got closer with Kevin. Kevin and Ian have never liked eachother insult eachother mercilessly. Poor Jason had to sit there and watch as they tried to beat eachother to a pulp. You can tell Kevin hates Ian because he rarely ever calls him by his first name

has a boyfriend in secret. Very much denies it. Only Erin and his parents know and he is trying so very hard to not let the secret out

Wants OUT of McKinley so bad . doesn’t even care abt changing his last name. I imagine McKinley is probably a bit of a small suburban town thats a bit of a bedroom community. The theme park is probably more well known than the town itself. Ian knows that if he just moves a few towns over then the name association will Go Away

Wanted to do astrophysics at college :) thinks space is cool as fuck

Resting face is worse than bitch he looks like he’s about to commit a murder in cold blood . Cold stare 0 emotions. And then suddenly he smiles and he’s just :D

Must stick to a consistent sleep schedule or else he’s a delusional nightmare

Stronger than he looks but would also probably crumple into 1000 pieces if he stubbed his toe

Likes horror movies but is lowkey a bit squeamish . would never admit it though. His favourite movie is Saw 2004 and he has to look away at all the gorey parts

Erin

5’8 and uses this 1 inch she has over Ian for Everything.

German ancestry on her dad’s side but doesn really know much about it besides that It’s There

Bisexual w pref for girls .

She/they nonbinary

Dyed her hair blue once and the ends are still kinda stained . Doesn’t care to cut it off because she thinks it looks cool (it does (it absolutely does))

Actual straight A* student and again uses this against Ian and teases him about his many struggles with Shakespeare

Collects bones n skulls n animal pelts and etc. Owns a few taxidermy animals .

Also very autistic n relates a lot to Ian bc of it

Is actually fairly good at socialising! just hates people

Parents do not understand the whole goth thing but are trying their best . Yes they did freak out when Erin brought home a taxidermy rat she got while out with Ian at an arts fair but oh well what can you do

Used to do figure skating when she was young !! still very confident at ice skating n likes to show off whenever she goes compared to Ian whos constantly falling on his ass. Let her have her moments of glory she deserves them.

The one who does the nail polish. Hence why hers is always perfect and Ian’s is always chipped bc she can always touch hers up whenever she needs to and Ian Cannot

Very aware of Ian’s superiority complex absolutely humbles him every chance she gets

Kinda obsessed w shitty low budget horror movies and indie films

Absolutely adores the art of SFX and fake gore / blood / etc n loved doing it herself. Halloween was her favourite holiday and she’d always go all out with it. Or would grab Ian and make him sit there for 2 hours. “come here sit down I need to see how realistically I can make your hand look like it’s been mauled” “Erin ew what the fuck”

Crush on Wendy that she’d never ever admit to. Only Ian knows and they have a deal where if he doesn’t spill about her crush she won’t spill about his boyfriend. Problem solved (they’re at eachother’s necks over it)

Makes friendship bracelets for her friends. Rest in peace Erin Ulmer you wouldve loved the Loom Bands craze of 2014

the both of them

Social rejects but they own it ™️ . Will literally take in anyone who’s also a bit of a ‘weird kid’ and convert them to goth subculture

Unfortunately this happens never it really do just kinda be the two of them vs the world huh

Dated for like a week once in sophomore year. Broke up immediately after their first kiss and decided they’d just pretend it never happened and that that 1 week of their lives just doesn’t exist. Did not happen ❤️

That being said though RAAAH WHAT ARE THE BOUNDS OF FRIENDSHIP. They hug and cuddle and hold hands and kiss cheeks constantly even if only as friends. Very physically affectionate though partially kinda to fuck with people who can’t seem to understand what the hell is going on with them both

“Oh yeah look at us nobody thinks we’re queer” “Ian we’re goth we might as well have it tattooed on our foreheads” “Fucks sake I can’t have shit in the 21st century”

Friendly banter is fucking insane they are just straightup insulting eachother. You know that one Gumball meme where Gumball is in hospital after being hit by a bus and he gets a card from Darwin saying “that bus should’ve ended you. love Darwin” that’s them that’s them that is them

They care eachother so much they are just bad at vocalising it so if they arent sitting there hugging they instead feel the need to be aggressively mean to eachother in loving and caring way

Erin is way more grounded and has more common sense than Ian who meanwhile is batshit insane at times and will 100% do crazy shit for the hell of it

Both of them rockin up to the town next door w their fake IDs to buy a months worth of R rated movies (fool proof plan (Ian almost got arrested once))

If only they had been around when Vine came out …. they would’ve been famous i tell u